On Tuesday I attended the Kenda Creasy Dean day conference at the Oxford Centre for Youth Ministry. It was a fantastic day (except for the roadworks outside the Park and Ride) and I can’t wait until I find the time to read through Kenda’s three books properly instead of simply dipping into them. As I left CYM I found a quiet coffee shop and sat for an hour an re-read my notes (there’s a first!) and made a whole load more – testament to the quality of the content presented on the day.
The strangest experience of the day was meeting some of the bloggers who have been on my “regular reads” list for the last year or two. I recognised Sarah from the picture on her blog (although I was disappointed that she wasn’t wearing her wedding shoes); stood close by was someone I thought I recognised, but had no idea where from. It turned out to be Lev – I guess his picture is a better likeness than I expected.
Things got even stranger during lunch. I was sitting chatting with a few people when someone came bounding up and started talking to me as if they knew me, asking questions about how the Engage course is going, etc. I tried to be polite and play along – but as much as I tried I couldn’t work out who on earth it was, so I asked. He simply introduced himself as YouthBlog – and suddenly it all made sense. Also during the course of lunch I was introduced to two more bloggers, both introduced by their blog title and not their own name. One was Holy Phil (the infamous Phil G) and the other was On Me Bus, whose real name (Simon) I had to look up on his blog.
One theme of the day was excellent thought-provoking content, another was people being introduced by their blog title and not their name. The third theme of the day was the way the phrase “oh, EasyRew – yeah, you haven’t blogged for a while have you…” was dropped into every conversation within seconds of an introduction. So here I am blogging again – and I have four other half-written posts waiting in the wings. As this post has been uninspiring and largely content-free, I thought I’d link to something potentially useful, and on a slightly related topic. Yesterday I spotted this article entitled The Name Game on the Life Hack blog. In the context of getting good service it discusses the importance of using names when meeting new people and introducing yourself to others. Some of the advice will also be useful in the context of our contact with Young People.
People love hearing their own name. It’s something built in. For whatever reason, it makes a little touch, a “ping” against our inner validity when people know and remember our names.
I have an appalling memory – especially for names (I’ve already forgotten most of them from Tuesday – but some beards were quite memorable). Does anyone have any good advice or tips? How do you remember the names of the young people you minister to?
We’ve recently had a new youth group making use of the Church Centre on Friday evenings. The group is for young people with learning difficulties/mental handicaps and they have been together for some time, but the leadership has recently changed along with the venue. The management of the group has now been taken on by the CrossLinks Centre, and a new team of group leaders has been assembled and the group is now in full flow.
The week before last was my first opportunity to meet the group. I was very apprehensive, and had little idea of what to expect. Whilst I’ve got plenty of youth work experience from the ages of 8 to 25, I’ve never had the opportunity to work with young people with learning difficulties. My apprehension wasn’t eased by the fact that all three staff on duty that night were first-timers with this group (not ideal – but circumstance dictated that’s how it would be).
I arrived early and helped to set-up the table-tennis, table-football, magnetic darts, snooker, stereo and tuck shop. Then before I knew it the group members started to arrive and the introductions began. Within minutes there were 12 new names/faces to remember, 12 new personalities to get to know and 12 very different individuals with different mental/physical/emotional difficulties. Soon the apprehension had disappeared and the fun began.
Some of the young people were very shy, and seemingly happy to stand near the corner of the room alone; others were outgoing and always trying to get the attention of others in the group; some were made good use of the equipment around the hall; others sat listening to music and chatting to each other. In some ways it was just like any other youth group – but obviously there were some very specific challenges to face:
- Communication
- Whilst they are all lovely, friendly people and happy to talk, most also have difficulty articulating what they want to say, or difficulty speaking clearly. In time it is possible to tune into each individual and understand what they were saying, but not before frustration on both sides.
- Attention
- Each of the group members requires very specific attention. Some require prolonged one-to-one attention, others like to check-in with you frequently. I found it difficult to meet everyone’s needs throughout the evening – whilst giving attention to one member, another two would try to strike up a conversation with me.
- Affection
- Most of the group members are incredibly affectionate: to each other, and to the leaders. If there is even a minor disagreement between them, there will be hugs and kisses, and sometimes tears as they make up. When walking around the hall or sitting chatting, it isn’t unusual for someone to hold your hand, put their arm around you, or hold onto your arm. It is completely innocent, and comes naturally to them, but my Child Protection instincts kick-in and I feel uncomfortable.
- Sexual inquisitiveness
- The majority are at the age where hormones are raging, and apparently it isn’t unusual for two of them to disapear to the toilets together. It’s important to have eyes in the back of your head and be aware at all times of who is in the room (or more importantly, who isn’t and why).
During the evening one of the girls was upset and it was difficult to understand the problem or to offer her any comfort. We eventually discovered that she had a stomach ache, and so she called home for someone to collect her. Unfortunately they didn’t arrive for about 30 minutes, during which time we had lots of tears and the loudest screaming I’ve ever heard. It was difficult to comfort her, and upsetting to see her in such pain and be unable to help.
Towards the end of the evening one of the boys withdrew from the group and looked upset. I had tried to talk to him but he wasn’t very forthcoming. Eventually he let on that he was upset because he was thinking about his uncle. He said that he had died and it makes him sad because he misses him. I asked him if the memories of his uncle were sad, and the biggest smile took over his face, and he said that they were all happy. We sat talking for a while and he shared stories about their holidays together, Christmas presents, birthday celebrations and the games they used to play. Then we had a quick discussion about life and death and why people die. Although it wasn’t always easy to understand him, we had a good chat, and he seemed to be ok by the end of the evening.
At the moment I’m studying Adolescent Development for the Engage Course, and it struck me during the evening that inspite of their difficulties/handicaps, these young people are all going through more or less the same adolescent process that all young people experience. It may be earlier/later/longer/shorter than usual because of their circumstances, but their bodies are developing in the same ways and their hormones are still rampaging in most cases. They are experiencing the same things, but I guess the challenges are even bigger as they are less able to cope with the changes than most.
By the end of the evening I was sad to see them go. Although the evening was packed with new challenges (not least remembering everyone’s name) I thoroughly enjoyed it. They are a pleasure to be with and I found the whole evening very rewarding.
Last week was “film night” and I was present at the start and end of the evening to set-up and pack away “the technology”. Even though I was only present for about an hour, it was great to be there, and I enjoyed seeing them again. I almost decided to stay for the whole evening (but the lure of badminton was too great). Now I can’t wait until my name appears on the rota again!
I know I’m getting old. I can feel it in my bones and I can tell by the increasing number of grey hairs I find.
But the final straw came yesterday. It snowed in Milton Keynes, quite heavily at times, and for the first time in ages it settled. My first urge was not to go an build a snowman, or have a snowball fight, or ambush random strangers with snowballs…
…no, my first urge was to “have a nice walk”.
What’s worse is that I acted on the urge. At least I took my camera with me and got some great shots.
I’m not long for this world. I’m off to make a will and get my things in order…
I have a confession to make: I’m addicted to buying t-shirts from Threadless. This won’t come as a surprise to my friends and colleagues, but I felt it was worth sharing with my [two] readers ;o)
Some of the t-shirt designs are simply bizarre, some reflect elements of my faith, others are just selected because I like the colours or the design. I’ve found the excellent t-shirt designs to be fantastic conversation starters. Mostly people believe the t-shirt I’m wearing is a reflection of my current mood – mostly when I’m wearing this one.
I haven’t yet used one of my t-shirts as a prop for a youth work talk, but I have a couple of ideas percolating…
I’ve added a page which features all the Threadless t-shirts I have purchased, and I’ll do my best to keep it updated when the addiction kicks in again. Meanwhile, here are some of my current favourites:
I didn’t sleep well last night, and whilst flicking through the channels trying to find something dull to send me into a deep slumber I discovered the penultimate episode of Beyond Boundaries on BBC2. The series follows…
“eleven people about to make history, attempting a journey that’s never been done before. None of them have expedition experience, but halfway round the world from the UK, they’re going to cross Nicaragua from the Atlantic coast to the Pacific Ocean.
They’ll start on the treacherous Mosquito Coast, escorted by armed soldiers to protect them from bandits and drug traffickers. They’ll make their way through impenetrable jungle, crocodile-infested rivers and climb a live volcano in order to make it to their finishing line – the Pacific coast. Accompanied by expedition leader Ken Hames, they have 28 days to cross 220 miles … and they are all physically disabled.”
The disabilities of the people taking part in the Nicaraguan expedition include deafness, blindness, amputations (one or more limbs), Spina bifida and paraplegia. The expedition started with 11 disabled participants, one able-bodied expedition leader and an able-bodied medic.
I’d heard about the show previously but pretty much dismissed it as a new low for reality TV. I’ve just finished watching the final episode this evening and was amazing. The expedition took 28 days in total, and the final episode followed the team through the last four. The following is taken from the expedition leader’s log for the final week:
“after covering 180 miles from the Atlantic coast, the team reach the island of Ometepe. A short ride by cattle truck leaves them just 50 miles short of journey’s end: the Pacific coast. But first they have chosen to take the island’s most punishing route – up the five and a half thousand foot active volcano called Concepcion.” – Ken Hame
Yeah you read that correctly. They chose to climb up a five and a half thousand foot volcano – simply because it was there. Ken continues:
“The terrain was appalling: it was steep, rocky, and unbelievably hot, with loose ground underfoot all the way. Everybody just got on with it, though. One of the most significant moments for me was when Ade was forced out of his chair and had to climb two and half thousand feet on his hands, dragging himself up all the way.”
I sometimes consider myself physically disabled as I’m slightly overweight and have a dodgy knee. As a result I don’t allow myself to do too much in the way of physical activity. I enjoy a good game of badminton and hockey, but walking? Forget it. I don’t do any lengthy walking without anti-inflammatory medication to soften the post-exercise effects.
I can’t describe how utterly pathetic I felt as I watched these guys drag themselves through the pain barrier and beyond.
Toward the end the expedition leader was pretty uncompromising – making hard decisions and forcing the others to make some too. But always with a view to encouraging the team towards its goal – reaching the Pacific Ocean. Also, each of the team members, despite their own excruciating pain and physical struggles, took time to encourage each other. The teamwork had to be forced at times – but it was only the mutual encouragement which got them through the challenge.
“Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:14 – The Message
Seven of the original eleven made it from one side of Nicaragua, through the jungle, across the rivers, up the volcano and to the Pacific Ocean at the other side. Their joy was uncontainable. There were screams of delight as they walked, limped, stumbled and rolled onto the beach. My eyes filled up as one of the participants removed both of her prosthetic legs and ran on her stumps, racing the others into the sea.
I’m sure the programme will be repeated in the near future. Don’t miss it.
After I referred to Adrian Plass’ poem “Heavenly Playground” in the service I led on Sunday, a few people asked if I had a copy of it. I’m including it here for reference – hope Mr. Plass doesn’t object.
Oh God, I’m not anxious to snuff it,
but when the Grim Reaper reaps me,
I’ll try to rely on
my vision of Zion,
I know how I want it to be.As soon as you greet me in Heaven,
and ask what I’d like, I shall say,
“I just want a chance
for my spirit to dance,
I want to be able to play.Tell the angels to build a soft playground,
designed and equipped just for me,
with a vertical slide
that’s abnormally wide,
and oceans of green PVC.There’ll be reinforced netting to climb on,
and rubberized floors that will bend,
and no one can die,
so I needn’t be shy
if I’m tempted to land on a friend!I’m gonna go mad in the soft, squashy mangle,
and balmy with balls in the swamp,
coloured and spherical,
I’ll be hysterical!
I’ll have a heavenly romp!There’ll be cushions and punch bags and tires
in purple and yellow and red,
and a mushroomy thing
that will suddenly sing
if I kick it or sit on its head.There’ll be fountains of squash and ribina
to feed my continual thirst,
and none of that stuff
about “You’ve had enough,
surely heavenly bladders won’t burst.I suppose I might be too tall for the entrance,
but Lord, chuck the rules in the bin.
If I am too large,
tell the angel in charge
to let me bow down and come in.
For the sake of completeness, it’s from an excellent CD called “City of Gold”.
The dawning of a new era deserves the creation of a new website (a bit over-dramatic – sorry). I figured I’d dispose of the old EasyRew.com website as it hadn’t been updated for years, and start a brand-spanking new one, ready for the start of my studies (more on that later). So here it is – already a little late.
Impressed yet?
Hmm – I thought not. Anyway, I’m planning to update this regularly (honest), but feel free to nag/remind me if it falls into disrepair through neglect. I plan to use the site to keep people informed of the progress with my studies, and add study-related news, quotes and useful links, and other randomness. In short – the site will be very organic – and I hope it will grow with me as I venture on the next leg of my journey.
I hope you stop by frequently and join in the conversation…
Here’s the first piece of randomness for your enjoyment:
My mid-year resolution – use less parenthesis!
